Wanting

Wanting by Luke Burgis is a fascinating exploration of why we want what we want. Drawing on French philosopher René Girard's theory of mimetic desire, Burgis reveals a hidden truth about human nature: most of our desires aren't truly our own — they're copied from other people. This book will fundamentally change the way you think about your choices, ambitions, and what you're really chasing in life.

Core Message

The central idea of Wanting is that human desire is mimetic — meaning imitative. We don't come up with our desires in a vacuum. We learn what to want by watching what other people want. From the careers we pursue to the products we buy to the lifestyles we envy — almost everything is shaped by models of desire around us.

Burgis puts it powerfully:

"We don't want things because of what they are. We want them because other people want them."

Think about it: why do you suddenly want a certain job, a certain phone, or a certain lifestyle? Often, it's because someone you admire — a friend, a colleague, an influencer — has modeled that desire for you. You didn't choose that want independently. It was planted in you through imitation.

This isn't a flaw — it's how humans are wired. But the danger is that most people go through life completely unaware of this force. They chase goals, accumulate things, and compete with others without ever asking: "Do I actually want this, or did I absorb this desire from someone else?" Burgis argues that becoming aware of mimetic desire is the first step to living a more intentional, fulfilled life.

Key Lessons

1. Your Desires Are Not Your Own

We like to think our wants come from deep within us — from our authentic selves. But Burgis shows that beyond basic survival needs (food, water, shelter), most of our desires are learned through imitation. We see someone driving a luxury car, and suddenly we want one. A friend quits their job to travel, and suddenly we question our own career. We're constantly absorbing desires from the people around us.

This doesn't make your desires "fake" — but it does mean you should examine them carefully. Ask yourself: "Where did this want come from? Who modeled it for me?"

2. The Power of Models

Burgis introduces a key concept: models — the people who shape what we want. Models can be external (celebrities, influencers, thought leaders) or internal (friends, colleagues, family members). The closer a model is to your own life, the more powerful their influence on your desires.

• External models — people far from your life (celebrities, historical figures). Their influence is less intense because you can't directly compete with them
• Internal models — people close to you (peers, coworkers, friends). These are the most dangerous because they trigger rivalry and comparison

Understanding who your models are is crucial. Once you identify them, you can begin to separate their desires from your own.

3. Mimetic Desire Fuels Rivalry

When two people desire the same thing because they're imitating each other, it creates intense rivalry. This is why competition between close peers is often fiercer than competition between strangers. Colleagues competing for the same promotion, friends envying each other's lifestyles, neighbours trying to outdo each other — all of this is mimetic rivalry in action.

The cruel irony: conflict doesn't come from differences — it comes from wanting the same things. The more similar two people are, the more likely they are to become rivals. Understanding this can help you step back from toxic competition and ask whether you truly want what you're fighting for.

4. Thin Desires vs. Thick Desires

Burgis makes a powerful distinction between two types of desires:

• Thin desires — shallow, highly mimetic, contagious wants that come and go quickly. Trending products, viral lifestyles, career paths you pursue because "everyone else is doing it." These provide temporary satisfaction at best
• Thick desires — deep, enduring wants rooted in your core values and identity. These are harder to articulate but far more fulfilling. They withstand time and social pressure

Most unhappiness comes from spending your life chasing thin desires while neglecting thick ones. The goal is to identify and nurture your thick desires — the things that truly matter to you, not the world around you.

5. Social Media Amplifies Mimetic Desire

In the age of Instagram, TikTok, and LinkedIn, mimetic desire has been supercharged. We're exposed to thousands of models every day — each one showing us something we "should" want. The curated highlight reels of other people's lives create an endless cycle of comparison and dissatisfaction.

Burgis argues that social media has made the mimetic cycle more intense and more dangerous than ever. The solution isn't necessarily to abandon social media, but to become deeply aware of how it's shaping your desires and to consciously filter what influences you absorb.

6. Break Free Through Intentional Wanting

The most powerful lesson in the book: you can break the cycle of mimetic desire by becoming intentional about what you want. Burgis offers practical strategies:

• Identify your models — become aware of who is influencing your desires
• Build a hierarchy of values — define what truly matters to you, independent of others
• Set boundaries with unhealthy models — distance yourself from people or platforms that trigger destructive desires
• Seek anti-mimetic wisdom — follow people and ideas that resist trends and encourage authentic self-reflection

Intentional wanting doesn't mean eliminating all external influence — that's impossible. It means choosing your influences wisely and regularly asking: "Is this my desire, or someone else's?"

7. The Flywheel of Wanting

Burgis describes how desires create a flywheel effect — one desire leads to another in an ever-accelerating cycle. You want a promotion, then you want a bigger house, then a nicer car, then more status — and it never ends. Each fulfilled desire simply creates a new one, often modeled by the new peer group you've entered.

The only way off this treadmill is to recognize the pattern and consciously choose which desires to pursue and which to let go. Fulfillment doesn't come from wanting more — it comes from wanting the right things.

8. Use Mimetic Desire for Good

Mimetic desire isn't all negative. Burgis shows that once you understand it, you can harness it intentionally. Surround yourself with models who embody the values you aspire to. Let their positive desires shape yours. If you want to be creative, spend time with creative people. If you want to be generous, surround yourself with generous people.

You can also become a positive model for others — by living authentically and pursuing thick desires, you influence the people around you to do the same. Mimetic desire, used consciously, becomes a force for good.

Why This Book Matters

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to want — through advertising, social media, peer pressure, and cultural norms. Most people never stop to question whether their desires are truly their own. They spend years chasing goals that were planted by others, only to feel empty when they achieve them.

Wanting pulls back the curtain on this invisible force. Burgis doesn't just explain mimetic desire academically — he makes it deeply personal and practical. After reading this book, you'll start noticing mimetic patterns everywhere: in your career choices, your shopping habits, your social media use, even your relationships.

What makes this book exceptional is that it doesn't just diagnose the problem — it provides a path forward. Burgis gives you tools to become more intentional about your desires, to distinguish between shallow wants and deep fulfillment, and to break free from the cycle of endless comparison and rivalry.

In a world drowning in options and influences, the ability to know what you truly want — and to resist the desires that aren't yours — might be the most important skill you can develop. This book gives you that superpower.

All insights and lessons presented here are from "Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life" by Luke Burgis, published by St. Martin's Press. Full credit goes to the author for these ideas. We highly recommend purchasing and reading the complete book.